Full Metal Jousting: Episode 5 “Hits Like A Truck”

Full Metal Jousting History Channel
We are at the half way point of Full Metal Jousting. This week focuses more on the competitors and less on the practice. We get to see some Monty Python-esqe tomfoolery and a scene stratght out of Blazing Saddles!

Episode 5: ‘Hits Like A truck’

Matt is celebrating his victory and applauds John for jousting on a horse he has never ridden.

Over in the Red Team locker room Coach Ripper apologizes to John for Praetorian. John is upset with the joust and that he wasn’t able to connect with his horse.

Knights That Play Spoons
Before leaving the locker room several jousters decided they haven’t had enough time in the armor. So they suited up, then headed back to their living area to play cards. I thought this scene was pretty amusing. I can see this playing out centuries ago. Knights preparing for battle, trying to pass the night away by playing cards and drinking ale. Some things never change… It certainly helped the camaraderie in the house if nothing else.

The next morning Shane is in the stables and Mike Edwards arrives to talk. Mike tells Shane that he hasn’t been a positive member of the team since his lose and is thinking of quitting the show. Shane’s talk motivates him and Mike decides that he will stick it out.

Red Team Practice
Coach Ripper approaches James, who suffered a concussion, and tells him that he is cleared to ride without armor. Shane welcomes the red team to the practice field. He tells them they are all starting to consistently hit the grand gaurd but now they need to work on their accuracy to hit the sweet spot, high and near the neck. He intorduces the ring-tilt, an exercise where the jousters must spear a 2-inch ring with the tip of the lance. Shane explains that the knights of old would race in a circle trying to get the ring and that is where the term carousel comes from.

History Alert:
“Tilting of the ring” as it was called was very popular in England and Continental Europe during the 17th century. The “tilting of the ring’ is actually one of the exercises that falls into the quintain practice. During the 17th century the joust was falling out of favor and replaced with a show of skill that didn’t involve physical contact. One of the skills was lance accuracy, proven by who could spear the most rings.

The carousel was a training device for the ring-tilt. A rider would mount a wooden horse supported by a pole and a horse would turn the carousel as the jouster tried to spear the rings. In the 17th century the term carousel also referred to a horse ballet, a large display of horses that moved in a circle.

The clear winner of the ring-tilt was John Stikes, the loser of last weeks joust. David Prewitt had the most trouble with his lance control and accuracy.

Black Team Practice
The Black Team is lined up for practice, there is a disruption in the line and Coach Rod looks over and says, “What was that? Did you just punch the horse in the $^#% head?” Mongo Landon says the horse stepped on his foot and he had to act fast. Coach Rod says it is one of the “stupidest things he has ever seen.”

Landon is waiting in the stables and Coach Rod, Coach Ripper and Shane walk in. Shane tells him that he has a zero tolerance policy when it comes to his horses and all horses. He tells Landon that he is not a professional and still has some growng up to do. Landon remains silent. Shane tells him because of his zero tolerance policy Landon will be removed from the show.

Landon stands and tells them that he has no regrets for what he did and would do it again. Shane gets upset and heated words are exchanged, coach Rod moves between them to avoid any physical altercation. Shane walks out, Coach Rod tells Landon to seat down, says “I got nothing” and walks out.

Shane and the coaches meet with the remaining competitors and tell them about Landon’s removal. Shane reminds them of his policy toward the horses. And now we have the four eliminated jousters set to reenter the game. Shane tells the teams that he and the coaches will decide which jouster will replace Landon.

Jousting Match-Up
Before the picks Shane tells them that after much deliberation Joe McKinley will be back in the competition. It makes completely sense after his epic joust with Josh Avery.

With the Black Teams win last week they are in control of the joust. Coach Rod picks Rope Myers for the Black Team and David Prewitt for the Red Team. David is confident that he can beat Rope and it will be a big upset. Rope believes his superior riding ability will win the day. The coaches meet Shane in the stables to pick the horses.

Final Practice
The jousters are taking passes with each other and Josh K. faces Joe. They both deliver a massive hit and unhorse each other. Josh falls on his face and is dragged down the list by his horse. Joe fares a little better but still takes a hard landing.

Rope was having an extreme amount of difficulty riding Praetorian. It is clear that the horse is in charge and not Rope. Coach Rod decides to swap horses and puts him on Superman. Shane thinks that is a terrible idea. Throughout the day things keep getting worse. However Rope isn’t demoralizing, he says that he will work on it and come out strong tomorrow.

David and his teammates are talking about the joust and he is excited to joust Rope.

During practice David is still having lance control problems. Coach Ripper says that if he can control the lance he will hit hard. David improves as the day goes on and is even more confident going into the joust.

The jousters groom and prepare their horses for the joust.

Rope says that he likes to win, but doesn’t let it guide him. He states that “winning is where opportunity and preparation meet. So he keeps himself prepared and when opportunity presents itself he ends up wining.” After a short prayer he rides out to the jousting field.

The Joust

Full Metal Jousting History Channel Rope MyersBlack Team (2-2) Rope Myers riding Praetorian
vs.
Full Metal Jousting History Channel David PrewittRed Team (2-2) David Prewitt riding Crispin

Shane describes the elimination joust. The joust will be officiated by four judges. There will be 8 passes. During the first 4 passes the lances will be an 1.25 inches thick. For the last 4 passes the lances will be 1.5 inches thick.

View the scoring rules

Pass 1:
Black Team, Rope: Miss
Red Team, David: Miss

Pass 2:
Black Team, Rope: Broken Lance +5
Red Team, David: Miss

Pass 3:
Black Team, Rope: Broken Lance +5
Red Team, David: Strike +1

Pass 4:

Black Team, Rope: Miss
Red Team, David: Miss

Pass 5:
Black Team, Rope: Miss
Red Team, David: Miss

Pass 6:
Black Team, Rope: Miss
Red Team, David: Miss

Pass 7:
Black Team, Rope: Broken Lance +5
Red Team, David: Miss

Pass 8:
Black Team, Rope: Broken Lance +5
Red Team, David: Strike +1

Final:
Black Team, Rope: 20
Red Team, David: 2

Rope Meyers wins and moves on to the next round.

I think Shane had the quote of the match during the 5th pass. “Both guys sucked, both guys missed, no points.”

Shane congratulates Rope and David.

David has a good outlook and is now going to focus on the $25,000 prize.

The previews tease us with another jouster leaving next week and two jousts.

What’d you think? Tell us in the comments below.

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17 Responses to Full Metal Jousting: Episode 5 “Hits Like A Truck”
  1. lindacmccabe
    March 13, 2012 | 21:38

    I think these are good summaries of the episodes.  I put a link to this website in a blog post that I put online today giving my review of “Full Metal Jousting” and comparing it to the previous reality series “Knights of Mayhem.” 
     
    You can find that review here:
    http://lcmccabe.blogspot.com/2012/03/full-metal-jousting-review.html
     
    Keep up the good work!

  2. patriot1a
    March 13, 2012 | 22:56

    Patrick Lambke  (The Black Knight) Is the best in the world, when the real tournyments come the boys from KOM and FMJ best beware.

  3. Archivist
    March 13, 2012 | 23:05

    Patrick got a bad rap in Knights of Mayhem. Is he still jousting?

  4. Bornamorris
    March 14, 2012 | 01:56

    I figured I would clear a few things up for you all.
    My name is Summer Helene and I am a film producer with a strong legal background. So here we go…
    1. landon was taught by the riding masters to do what he did when pinned by a horse (he worked mostly with stallions).
    2. The show wanted to keep him and wanted him to clean a horses sheath as punishment, he would not and HE chose to leave due to their misrepresentation of what happened with the horse.
    3. If I see one more untrue comment I am more then happy to have Landon sue for libel (the written version of slander) and as you took the time to write your comments on line its easy
    4. Reality TV is not real!
    Remember: We as producers direct what people think and we (producers) made Landon the bad guy. 
    PLEASE REMEMBER THAT WHAT YOU SEE ON TV IS NOT REAL IT IS A SCWED REALITY DESIGNED TO ENTERTAIN YOU… IT IS NOT REALITY!

  5. David Richardson
    March 14, 2012 | 10:15

    As a trainer and breeder i have had my foot broken twice by having horses step on my feet. If you have ever felt bones snapping in your foot from the weight of a horse i assure you one time is all it takes and you are going to get the animal off of you by any means possible and you are not gonna take alot of time to think about it. To abuse someone for doing this and/or try and manipulate them into cleaning a sheath as an admitance of wrongfullness only proves that this shows trainers are complete idiots and that the producers care less about reality.

  6. Stuff and Junk
    March 19, 2012 | 14:46

    @Bornamorris

    Don’t be ridiculous. Anyone can comment on something they see on tv.

    1.Just because the “riding masters” whoever they may be, taught him to punch a horse, stallion or otherwise, to get it off his foot doesn’t make it any less abusive, it only means that the “riding masters” taught an abusive method of getting a horse off his foot. He should have been paying attention to his horse and it might not have happened in the first place.

    2. Your source for this is what? All we know is what is presented. You have an independently verifiable source for this? Otherwise “I” can “sue” you for “libel” against the “claim” of misrepresenting the producers. Haha!

    3. Libel..puh-lease. You show your ignorance by trying to pretend you have a “legal background”. What a joke. Hey, I took a law class in film school, too! The man punched a horse. That’s a fact caught on tape. Whatever one’s opinion of the consequences is just that. Opinion. What do you care, anyway, to take it so personally?

    4. Really!! Thanks so much for pointing this out. Here I was thinking everything on my telly was real. So glad you straightened me out.

    Thanks for the laugh of the day Ms. “I’m not a lawyer but I can sick Landon on all of you to sue you for libel” Yeah, never heard that one before. Hahaha! That was a good one.

  7. Stuff and Junk
    March 20, 2012 | 06:52

    @David Richardson I also and many other people have been badly stepped on. Never the animals fault. Your fault for not paying attention to where your horse’s feet are. Of course you want to get it off as fast as possible but what your knee-jerk reaction is, to punch the horse in the face, or some other way (and yes there are many other ways of removing the horse from your foot instantly without punching) reveals what kind of person you are. I will never believe a man is a true horseman if he hits his horse. I do not care what the circumstances are. There are always better ways of dealing with it. Period.

  8. David Richardson
    March 20, 2012 | 19:00

    You are entitled to you opinion. I think the fact that in episode 5 and 6 you can see the jousters unhorsing each other in training sessions without using headgear on the horses pretty much proves my point that the producers and trainers are not concerned with horse safety wouldnt you agree?

  9. Stuff and Junk
    March 21, 2012 | 08:22

    @David Richardson Since you seem to support punching a horse as acceptable I really have nothing else to say to you.

  10. Claymore
    March 30, 2012 | 15:26

    Agree completely with David Richardson. On 1) count, someone I know had her right toe absolutely ruined by a horse stepping on it at a young age so yes getting the horse off your foot as quickly as possible is the smart thing to do and 2) honestly Shane and Black Team Leader nearly started crying about Landon “mistreating” a horse and yet they subject the horses to real physical danger each time they go out to joust… pretty ludicrous really. They don’t really strike me as particularly intelligent or sane much less “professional” people.

  11. Notta Morris
    April 2, 2012 | 22:18

     @Bornamorris 
     
    Hey, “Borna”.  You’re hilarious.  And we know who you are.  You’re Landon Morris’ sister, Summer.  (Hence the name “Borna Morris” cause you were born Summer Morris.  Cute.)  You’re a two-bit (no, make that three-bit if that’s possible) producer and really don’t know what you’re talking about when it comes to libel.  For libel you have to prove malice and intent to harm Landon’s “good name”.  He was already outed by the show as being a poor sportsman and a loser, those are facts.  And having his sister stick up for him doesn’t help his standing much when it comes to being a “man”.Good luck with your libel case.  And with your tiny little production company.
     
    https://twitter.com/#!/Summer_Helene/status/179840216893358080
     
    http://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=10150613443643940&id=43842763939
     
    http://www.afsproductionco.com/pages/executiveInformation.html

  12. miclane
    April 12, 2012 | 22:10

    Geeeez, are we still talking about Landon’s foot. Seriously, he put his big foot in front of the horse and got it stepped on which is why I am sure he had steel reinforced toes on his boots. His foot being stepped on was his fault and the stupid way he reacted both times where again his fault. He blew a great opportunity.

  13. miclane
    April 12, 2012 | 22:15

     @patriot1a
     Patrick is a great rider and jouster (what I know about jousting thus far). I have seen Shane joust and would like to. Charlie is funny but would not want to be at the end of his … upset on any given day!

  14. miclane
    April 12, 2012 | 22:16

     @patriot1a
     
    Patrick is a great rider and jouster (what I know about jousting thus far). I haven’t seen Shane joust and would like to. Charlie is funny but would not want to be at the end of his … upset on any given day!

  15. miclane
    April 12, 2012 | 22:20

    I am not sure that I follow your line of reasoning. Landon is a grown man, chronologically and should have acted more maturely than he did. He came off as a child after he hit the horse and when he was confronted with he poor actions. That is why he will ultimately have lost a great opportunity as doors don’t keep opening for people when they keep closing them on themselves.

  16. miclane
    April 12, 2012 | 22:40

     @David RichardsonAs a kid, I allowed my foot to get in front of my first pony and got the nail bed torn off. I learned my lesson, at 12 y/o.
     

  17. JoeUSA11
    April 16, 2012 | 07:27

    I stopped watching this show when they kicked Landon out. 
    I fully support what Landon did.
    It’s very simple: the safety of a man should Always come before the safety of the horse.
    Anyone trying to claim some sort of PC morally superior position should kill themselves to give the rest of nature leave of their oppressive stupidity.